Ugly Chat up Lines
These chat up lines are the kind of chat up lines that can either get you your head kicked in, get you arrested, or married to a girl who’s uncle is also her brother.
You’d have to be mad crazy to try & use them but if you ever have then please do spill the beans, or add any other mad lines that you know of below.
- The ugly chat up lines:
Say, haven’t I had sex with you? [not likely mate!]
Your legs are like butter, so spread ‘em.
Smile! Its the second best thing you can do with your lips.
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
Do you come here often? You could do, with me.
I bet you don’t eat pedigree chum because you don’t look like a dog
Can you please tell your body to stop staring at me?
Do you spit or swallow?
Do You Believe In Love At First Sight Or Do I Have To Walk By Again?
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.
Do you like raisins? How about a date?
Do you like fruit? Suck this, it’s a plum/peach/etc
Do you own chickens, because you sure know how to raise cocks
Hello haven’t I come across your face before?
Ever slept in a £1000 bed? Do you want to?
Excuse me miss, what time do your legs open?
Have you got a plaster? I hurt my knee falling for you
Here’s 10p ring home and tell your mum that you wont be coming home tonight!
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you.
How was heaven when you left?
I can run faster in desperation than you can run in fear [what!?!]
I don’t want you to think I’m ridiculous or anything, but you are the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you. [yuk]
I know Jedi mind tricks. Go home with me tonight, you will. [Fuck off you will]
I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours? [no - fuck off]
I think my medication is wearing off.
I want to check your shirt label to see if you were made in heaven.
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
If beauty was a rain drop you would be the ocean
If I had one chance to rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
If you want a carrot, its yours. If you want 24 carrots, keep on walking lady!
I’m a great swimmer can I demonstrate the breast stroke
Im Doing An Essay On Sexy Things. Can i Interview You ?
I’m lost, can I come home with you
Is that a ladder in your tights or the stairway to heaven?
It’s nice to meet a woman who’s beautiful and intelligent.
Oo la la !
Should I call you in the morning, or nudge you?
Sorry to interrupt, but I had to just tell you that you’re lovely.
The only thing I want between us is latex!
There’s a gap in your life! Mind if I fill it?
There are only two times I want to be with you, now and forever.
Walk over to him and lick your finger and put it on him then say “let me help you out of those wet clothes”
Was your father a thief? ‘Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes
Well hello baby what are you doing for the rest of your life
Well here I am, what were your other two wishes?
When did you fall from heaven?
When they made the alphabet they should have put U and I together.
You dont sweat much for a fat bird
You’d make a good theif because you’ve stole my heart
You’ve got a huge arse – you’re lucky I’m in love with J-Lo!
You’ll do!
Your dad must be a terrorist, because you blow my mind away!
Your dad must have been a hunter because you’re a fox!
You’re like a compass, without you I’m lost
Your like the air I breathe, I just can’t live without you
You’re the hottest thing since the sun
You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life
You’re so sweet you’re giving me a toothache.
Add your own Chat Up Lines Here!
Bad Chat up Lines
If you have any bad chat up lines, the kind of chat up lines that have either got you laughed at or blown out before you’d even ignited, then do us all a favour and share them here so we can have a good laugh at you too!
- The really quite bad, don’t do them ever chat up lines:
My friend thinks you’re hot, and if it’s any consolation so do I.
You looked bored so I thought I’d cheer you up…(followed by a joke)
Grin shyly and say “you look stunning tonight” and then walk away.
Do you know any good opening lines?
I think you’re the light at the end of my tunnel.
Excuse me, do you have change for a thousand pound note?
Grab her on the bum and ask, “Excuse me, is this seat taken?”
I wish you were a drum so I could bang you all day long.
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
Nice legs… What time do they open?
My name is (insert your name). Remember that, you’ll be screaming it later.
How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Are you a seargeant? Because you make my privates stand to attention.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Are you gay? (no) prove it
Are you Jamaican? [No, why?] Cause ja-maic-in me crazy.
You must be a broom because you just swept me off my feet
Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
Didn’t I used to always pull on your ponytail in school?
Do you fancy a dance? ‘no’ - I suppose a shag’s out of the question then?
Do you wanna be the lord of my ring?
Do you work for the royal mail, only you’ve been checking out my package all night.
Excuse me but are you a vet? No…why? Well its just that my Beaver needs the kiss of life.
Grab your coat, you’ve pulled!
Hey babe sit on my knee and talk about the first thing that comes into your head
Hey girl you dropped something. ‘What?’ - My jaw
Hi – your face or mine?
Hi, do you have a boyfriend? No? Are you taking applications?
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down - go ahead say no.
How do you like your eggs in the morning? scrambled , fried or fertilised?
How much does a polar bear weigh? Well its enough to break the ice, my name is….
I bet you £20 you’re going to turn me down.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
If we were both squirrels i would definately store my nuts in your hole
If you were a lolly I would be licking you all night!
Im a bit scared on my own do you think you can walk me home?
I’m like Domino’s Pizza, if you don’t come in 30 minutes the next one is free.
Im looking for a red hot lover
I’m new in town, could I have directions to your appartment.
I’m not looking for a relationship, I’m looking for an experience.
I’m not the best looking guy in here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Is your dad an alien because you’re out of this World.
Is your name Loreal, cause you’re worth it
I’ve got a new bed, want to see if we can make it squeak?
Lets have sex
Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I’m nice.
Nice hat, may I see your helmet
Oops, my suspender came undone; Would you mind?
Are Your legs tired, Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day
Sex is like art, the more you practice, the better you get!
So, do you live round here or are you local?
Sorry boys the only thing i blow is kisses
That shirt is very becoming on you … saying that, if I were on you I’d be coming too
That’s a really nice outfit, but it would look better on my bed room floor
There is something wrong with my mobile phone. It doesn’t seem to have your number in it.
Those tits look heavy can I hold them for you
You must be a parking ticket cause you got the word FINE written all over you!
You must be a light switch cause you’re turning me on
You’re really cute, I’d like to go out with you sometime
We’ve only just met, but can I say, ‘I’m in love with your bum.’
Well It’s not just going to suck itself, is it?
Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
What would you do if I kissed you right now?
Whats your name? How old are you? Fancy a shag?
What’s your favourite colour?
When I’m good, I’m good, but when I’m bad, I’m better!
Would you like to dance?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
You forgot something! What? Me!
You know sweetie, my lips won’t just kiss themselves.
You look like my first wife “Really? How many times have you been married?” “Oh I’m still a bachelor”
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
You must work in subway because you just gave me a footlong
You’re so pretty, I had to come over and say ‘hi’.
Your initials must be TNT, cause your the bomb
You’re just like a parking ticket - you’ve got ‘Fine’ written all over you!
You’re like Pringles. Once you pop, I just can’t stop!
You’ve got big feet
I just got this new lipgloss, would you tell me how good it tastes?
Add your own Chat Up Lines Here!
Chat Up Lines
Chat up lines are one of natures cruelest ironies.
Cunningly designed to help you get the attention of the opposite sex, what they actually achieve 90% of the time is to destroy any chance that you ever might have had with the object of your desires, make you look like a total berk, and further destroy any confidence that you had to not rely on rubbish chat up lines, half heartedly delivered when you’ve had too much to drink, in the first place.
Chat-up lines can be the maker, and most frequently the breaker, of many a potential relationship.
I, for my own sins, can remember as a young teenager finding a remarkable book in the local bookshop - “The Little Black Book” I think it was called, a book of the most carefully crafted chat-up lines to cover any occassion, and to almost guarantee that you’d be taking some hot totty or another home with you at the end of the evening, or preferably sooner.
Well, that’s what it said on the cover anyway, personally I think a better title might have been “The little Crap Book,” because even at such a tender age I could already feel my toes curling at the cringeworthiness of some of those truly awful chat up lines - and yes, I’m ashamed to admit that I did actually try some of them out.
And no, they didn’t work!
The problem still exists however, that when you see someone that you really, really fancy, your survival instincts kick in, and rather like a caveman (or woman) who can choose to either go head to head with a giant grizzly bear, or just not bother, we opt for the path of least resistance - and least humiliation - and don’t do anything.
Or we get absolutely blathered and then try using some feeble chat-up line or other that has little chance of success, and that’s really what this website is all about.
Looking back on my own “Little Black Book” endeavours, I can now chuckle, and share the story - probably, I admit, because in the intervening years I’ve managed to snare & marry a hot bit of fluff - and so I thought it might be useful to share chat-up lines here, and to split them into 3 categories.
The good chat up lines are of course what we all want, and you should memorise them (no, not really!), just in case you need that initial boost to get you going.
The bad chat up lines should help those of us who are a little misguided about what is and isn’t acceptable, or more importantly, what isn’t likely to help.
The Ugly chat-up lines are to serve as a reminder that no matter how bad it is to be single, it can get a whole lot worse if you open your gob & let drivel like this fall out of it.
The Ugly chat up lines serve two purposes.
Not only is it a warning about the kind of chat up lines that should never, ever be used under any circumstances, it is also there to give us all a jolly good laugh at you for trying them in the first place, so remember, we are laughing at you, not with you!
But seriously, it can be hard to meet the right person, and it’s always daunting to approach someone that you don’t know, so let’s create our very own “Little Crap Book” right here, on the interweb, and help, warn, or just laugh at each others successes, failures, or disasters!
I hope that you enjoy this site, and please contribute where you can!
Good chat up lines
If you have any good chat up lines that have worked, ones that you’re really proud of, then why not share it with the rest of the World and add it here - really, it’s the least you can do!
- The really, really good make ‘em chuckle chat up lines:
Pick a number between 1 + 10 - sorry you lost, you’ll have to take off all your clothes.
If you were my homework I’d be doing you right now all over my desk!
The word of the day is legs; let’s go upstairs and spread the word.
Would you like a ride on my penis?….sorry, I mean motorbike
Hello, I’m blind. May I get to know you by rythmically kneading your breasts?
Nice dress! Can I talk you out of it?
I’d really like to see how you look when I’m naked.
You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
Fuck me if I’m wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?
Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don’t you like pizza?
Would you like to stroke my lucky scrotum?
Are you wearing space pants? Because your arse is out of this WORLD!
Your place or mine? (Good rebuttal: Both - you go to yours and I`ll go to mine!)
Can I buy you a drink?
Can you tell your boxers to stop pointing at me
Do you eat kellogs frosties because you’re bringing out the tiger in me grrrrr!
Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? No? Lie down, I’ll explain.
Do you own a parrot? No, but I bet you’ve had a cockatoo (cock or two)
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
Do you wanna play army? You lay down and I’ll blow the hell out of you!!
Ever heard of a sixty second romance? Have you got a minute
Fancy buying me a drink?? Forget the straw, I’ll be doing enough sucking later on!
Hi ,Im gonna tell you my name ‘why ?’ - So you remember what to scream.
Hi, here’s £20. Go and drink until I turn good looking then come talk to me.
Can I add a branch to your family tree?
The names Bond - Uni Bond, and I’m here to fill your cracks
I don’t normally approach girls like this, but…
I have a pen, you have a phone number… think of the possibilities
I know milk is good for the body but DAMN! How much have you been drinking?
I love every bone in your body, especially mine
I may not be Fred Flintstone but I know i could make your BedRock.
I used to hate donkeys until I checked out your ass, Eey-ore!
If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?
If I were your homework where would you do me?
If you are what you eat, I could be you by morning.
If you were a burger you’d be a McGorgeous!
Is it hot in here or is it you?
Is that a ruler in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me!
Is thier a mirror in your pocket, Because I can see my self in your pants.
Are you a terrorist because baby your the bomb.
Is your secound name jacobs, because your a cracker
Nice Jeans..Do they come off?
Lets play firemen - I can slide up and down your pole.
My magical watch says you aren’t wearing any underwear! Oh you are? It must be an hour fast.
nice shoes - wanna shag?
Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down!
Put your crash helmet on, you’re going through the head board.
Please tell me you’re a mechanic, I need a full service.
Sex is a killer. Want to die happy?
Smile if you want sleep with me tonight?
There are 256 bones in your body! Would you like another?
There’s something wrong with my eyes! I just can’t take them off of you
Do you fancy seeing the soles of your shoes in my wing mirrors?
Want to play Pearl Harbor? That’s where I lay down and you blow the hell out of me.
Want to do some maths? Lets add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide my legs, and multiply.
What’s the difference between a hard-on and a Ferrari. I dont have a Ferrari!
Were you arrested earlier? It’s got to be illegal to look that good!
What’s 2+2? ‘4′..so you’re smart and beautiful
Whats up? Aren”t you talking?
When God made you he was showing off.
You have an amazing smile.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
You look really hot. You’d look even hotter on me.
You with those curves, and me with no brakes
Your name must be Gillette? The best a man can get.
Your tits look like a pair of chicken fillets, but don’t worry, I feel like chicken tonight.
You’re a very naughty boy - Go straight to my room!
You’ve got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
Add your own Chat Up Lines Here!
