Chat Up Lines

Chat up lines are one of natures cruelest ironies.

Cunningly designed to help you get the attention of the opposite sex, what they actually achieve 90% of the time is to destroy any chance that you ever might have had with the object of your desires, make you look like a total berk, and further destroy any confidence that you had to not rely on rubbish chat up lines, half heartedly delivered when you’ve had too much to drink, in the first place.

Chat-up lines can be the maker, and most frequently the breaker, of many a potential relationship.

I, for my own sins, can remember as a young teenager finding a remarkable book in the local bookshop - “The Little Black Book” I think it was called, a book of the most carefully crafted chat-up lines to cover any occassion, and to almost guarantee that you’d be taking some hot totty or another home with you at the end of the evening, or preferably sooner.

Well, that’s what it said on the cover anyway, personally I think a better title might have been “The little Crap Book,” because even at such a tender age I could already feel my toes curling at the cringeworthiness of some of those truly awful chat up lines - and yes, I’m ashamed to admit that I did actually try some of them out.

And no, they didn’t work!

The problem still exists however, that when you see someone that you really, really fancy, your survival instincts kick in, and rather like a caveman (or woman) who can choose to either go head to head with a giant grizzly bear, or just not bother, we opt for the path of least resistance - and least humiliation - and don’t do anything.

Or we get absolutely blathered and then try using some feeble chat-up line or other that has little chance of success, and that’s really what this website is all about.

Looking back on my own “Little Black Book” endeavours, I can now chuckle, and share the story - probably, I admit, because in the intervening years I’ve managed to snare & marry a hot bit of fluff - and so I thought it might be useful to share chat-up lines here, and to split them into 3 categories.

The good chat up lines are of course what we all want, and you should memorise them (no, not really!), just in case you need that initial boost to get you going.

The bad chat up lines should help those of us who are a little misguided about what is and isn’t acceptable, or more importantly, what isn’t likely to help.

The Ugly chat-up lines are to serve as a reminder that no matter how bad it is to be single, it can get a whole lot worse if you open your gob & let drivel like this fall out of it.

The Ugly chat up lines serve two purposes.

Not only is it a warning about the kind of chat up lines that should never, ever be used under any circumstances, it is also there to give us all a jolly good laugh at you for trying them in the first place, so remember, we are laughing at you, not with you!

But seriously, it can be hard to meet the right person, and it’s always daunting to approach someone that you don’t know, so let’s create our very own “Little Crap Book” right here, on the interweb, and help, warn, or just laugh at each others successes, failures, or disasters!

I hope that you enjoy this site, and please contribute where you can!